THE BOOK AND THE BIBLE

I have this image of my ancestors duelling leopards and riding ostriches when the missionaries arrived. The Book and the Bible,two weapons wielded in an attempt to modernise the African and blind them to the colonists' robbery. The Lutherans,Catholics,Anglicans,Baptists,Quackers,Adventists carved out the Kenyan territory for spiritual conquest to preach water while their colonists drank wine. Maybe I too will board a Boeing in the future to show them how to fill up their fast emptying cathedrals;ad-dress their half-nakedness by sewing their ripped jeans,crop tops,beach shorts,bikinis etc.I could teach them how to dance and ban those lewd dances in their videos.😯
Look to the book and the Bible.As a pharmacist,I occasionally get promotional freebies as sationery or dinners.I have more brands in my bag than a shop shelf and if you met my relatives who share in my rewards,it won't take you long to guess they have a doc in the house. With the strain that is medical work, my thick skin sheds off fast and I run the risk off seeming unempathetic.When work pressures seem too much and my name is not on the Sunday rotor,I vent to God in church .My book for the notes and my Bible for the quotes.
One fine Sunday I picked the nearest notebook in a hurry and went to church. When the Minister of the word stepped on the podium- our vicar is a she, might I add- I positioned my book and Bible.My vicar is new to our parish so she has this fire to change things.She calls people out and has been seen to halt the service when the praise and worship team drags the tune.Once she gave a refresher course for all communicants who had just partaken in the communion because they were doing it all wrong. She is not some old matron with issues,just a woman who likes to keep the fire burning.
Here I am fervently penning the vicar's interpretation when I see her cough nervously.Did she just look at me?Noo, we are too many in ths crowd.She carries on and I am equally penning.Then she stops. Wololo!I know that pause and what follows it.Somebody is about to get it.
"Christians, when we come to church we should watch how we carry ourselves." Let me see...I came on time, wore my maxi.Not for me."Some of the things we do during the week stick with us when we think we have left them behind." Poor fellow.Then I see the little kids in front of me, those who play about the pews and have the courage of a thousand people in church.They giggle and one of them whispers,"Tabia mbaya(bad manners)." Ah, ah...something is wrong here.Before I can follow their gaze, their guardian comes to drag them back to her seat.But not before I catch her gape as she stares in my direction.Now what! I pretend to look at my phone when in reality I am using it as a mirror. No wardrobe or makeup blunders.The kids giggle behind me and one them runs up to the aisle to my seat. "Ndio hii kitabu ya tabia mbaya Auntie(This is the book with bad manners Auntie!)," I am finished!She is pointing to me and I realise that my notebook is the cause for drama.Just at the same time as everyone can read the caption in the photo below.It was a product for erectile dysfunction.In another audience it would have been a great question. It has been two weeks of no book with Bible.I ask myself every Sunday,"How long should self-imposed exile last?"